


Could it be that it's a lesson - that I never had to learn?

by whatisthistho



Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: I'll tag later., Just read., M/M, Too lazy to tag right now tbh.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-01
Updated: 2016-03-03
Packaged: 2018-05-24 03:32:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6140248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatisthistho/pseuds/whatisthistho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“So you’ll be singing Suit and Tie?” He asked, sitting up straighter once he heard someone yell out “LOVE YOU LI”, followed by a considerably large number of the crowd cheering out for him. </p><p>/So he’s who everyone is here for/. Louis thought to himself, sitting up straighter himself curiously. </p><p>“Uh – no.” Liam murmured, clearing his throat. “Last minute song change.” </p><p>“What will you be singing then?” Louis asked curiously. </p><p>Liam took a moment to reply, his eyes flickering over to Zayn for a split second before shifting over to Sophia who had her hands clasped together and tucked under her chin. She gave him a subtle nod and bright smile. </p><p>“It’s you. By uh – Zayn, yeah. Just switching some lyrics.” Liam said, surprising himself when he didn’t stutter over the male's name. </p><p>This made Zayn perk up, curious and intrigued by the song change. The male on stage looked so familiar, but he couldn’t place a name to the face. He was – fuck. He was beautiful and Zayn was hoping this guy would wow them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just wanted to get this up. Let me know what you think?

It was surreal, the chance of a lifetime.

Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles, who were two of the biggest names in the music industry and who ran a label together, were going to be in his town, scouting for new talent.

Liam always wanted to sing, always wanting to show the world what he could really do with his voice. Singing had become the only outlet in his life, not that he had a particularly hard life. No, he had everything he wanted. Supportive friends and family, the most amazing best friend he could ask for. He honestly didn’t know what he’d do without her. Sophia was his rock. She was his _person._

She was there for him when he’d gotten his heart broken for the first time. The only traumatic thing to ever happen to him in his life and he was just sixteen years old. It was scary, how broken he felt after it – how _humiliated_ he felt. To this day, even at twenty-two years old, if he thought about it, it made his eyes fill with tears. So maybe he never got over it. Maybe he never got the true closure he needed in order to move on but it was nearly impossible seeing as the _boy_ who broke his heart, embarrassed him in front of the whole school, and made him close in on himself was now one of the most famous singers in the world.

Sophia had convinced him that this was his chance to show the world how amazing his voice was. She told him that this was his chance to change the music industry and ‘ _Li, Zayn is signed with their label. This would be the perfect revenge. Knock him out of that number one spot in the charts. In my opinion, this is going about it maturely.’_

So yeah, maybe he would feel better if he could somehow knock Zayn down to number two, but he wasn’t sure he could do this. He was too nervous.

“Liam, come on. You have to get ready, I already picked out your outfit and Niall is already downstairs waiting for us with the whole fucking footie team.” Sophia said, placing her hands on her slim hips.

Liam shook his head, hands between his thighs as he looked up at her from where he was sitting on his computer chair, eyes wide and giving her the puppy eyed look. Sophia clicked her tongue, rolling her eyes because – “Liam James, that doesn’t work on me and you know it. Up. Now.” She said, raising a brow, challenging him to protest again.

He sighed, moving both hands up to rub at his face with a pout. He was nervous as fuck and –

“Zayn is going to be there … I just – I didn’t want to spring it on you when we got there. Word got around, Zayn is here. He’s with Louis and Harry and they’re going to be at the café tonight.” Sophia said softly, shifting to kneel in front of Liam, taking his hands in hers. He was wide eyed, at a loss for words. The moment the words left her lips, Liam’s heart started beating a mile a minute, hands shaking on his lap because he didn’t think he could face Zayn like this, after all those years. How could he sing in front of the man that broke him?

“I know. I know, babe. It’s a lot to take in. But you have Niall and I. You have the bloody footie team and that’s about twenty people right there. You have your parents and your sisters. You have _my_ parents. We’re all going to be there to support you tonight. I won’t let you give up this opportunity without a fight.” She murmured gently, thumbs brushing over the top of Liam’s hands.

Liam didn’t say anything.

“You’re such an amazing singer, Liam. Your voice is something unlike anything that’s being played on the radio right now. There is no way you can go up on that stage tonight and not catch the interest of Louis and Harry. There is no way they wouldn’t sit up straighter with interest the second your lips part. And there’s no way Zayn would be able to speak after hearing you.” She continues, squeezing his hands.

“I’m going to be there, right there. I won’t let him hurt you again, I won’t let you break. I’m your cosmic balance, remember? I’ll support you through everything, Liam. But I can’t let you give up this opportunity and have you regret it later.”

Liam’s eyes were still wide, filled with fear and Sophia knew what he was thinking.

“He won’t know what to say. He won’t know how to react once he realizes who you are. God, Liam. He’s going to regret what he did to you and he’s going to feel your pain when you sing –“

“I want to change the song I’m singing.” Liam interrupts, his eyes focusing on hers. “It’s you. That’s what I want to sing –“

“What – but that’s –“

“I _know_. Remember I told you the first time I heard it, it reminded me of what happened? Made me think of it?”

Sophia nods slowly, curious and intrigued.

“I’m going to make him regret what he did by singing his own song and telling our story. The ugly truth.”

**

Liam was surprised by the amount of people he had behind him right now. The whole footie team was there along with Sophia and Niall. His parents were there; actually, all of their parents were there. Half the town was trying to get into the café to support Liam. It was weird. They knew him for his position on the footie team, the captain. But they didn’t know – 

“So I might have gone around town talking about you being here tonight. Sorry, but that’s what best friends do.” Niall said, grinning brightly, no remorse whatsoever.

“ _If I can have everyone’s attention, please. We are going to be moving out onto the courtyard down the block to accommodate the demand of guests here tonight. So if everyone could please make their way to the exit and we’ll get this show on the road by 7:30.”_

Liam blanched, his hands clenching at his sides because _fuck._ That meant there would be so much more people there. He couldn’t see or hear much after that, blindly being led out of the café and towards the courtyard. People were talking to him, trying ask what he’d be singing and whatnot but he couldn’t hear anything over the roaring of his pounding heart.

**

“Shit, who the hell are all these people supporting that we had to change locations?” Louis asked, walking back into the backroom with a fresh cup of coffee in his hand. 

He’d just gotten word about it and it surprised him. He thought this would be something small but apparently not.

“No idea, but that means this person better be good, or I’d hate to live in this town after.” Harry mused, ruffling his hair before turning to regard Louis. Louis rolled his eyes, shaking his head fondly.

“Guess we’ll find out, yeah? Where’s Zayn?”

“Right here, fuck. I forgot how shit it was to live here. I already want to leave.” Zayn muttered, pushing his phone into his pocket before stealing the coffee cup out of Louis’ hand to take a sip, exhaling a content sigh after.

Louis made a face, scrunching his nose. “You’re stupid. You told us we should try coming here because “ _all the talent comes out of Bradford_ ”.” Louis mocked, nailing Zayn’s accent without a problem.

Zayn made a face this time, rolling his eyes. “Shut up, lets go yeah? See if anyone is good or whatever.”

When they finally made it to the courtyard with their security, Zayn was hit with a slight feeling of nostalgia. He could see the local colleges footie team, because they were wearing the uniform and he remembered how he was on the team when he use to live here, just in a lower division. There was a makeshift stage being put together at a surprisingly quick pace and a table for the three of them to sit at. Zayn took the seat on the left, curiously picking up the papers resting there to look over. It didn’t have any names, just stated _singer 1_ and the song title they’d be singing. He scanned over the list, nodding at the choice of songs. He was surprised no one decided to sing a song by either himself or Harry but he didn’t linger too much on that, figuring the pressure would be too much.

“This is pretty cool, I like it.” Louis mused, sitting down beside him, eyes glancing around as people started filing in beside and around them. There were barricades around them so that no one would be able to touch but it still made Zayn a little uncomfortable.

“Yeah.” Zayn mumbled, slouching in his seat a bit. “When do we start?”

“About fifteen minutes, probably. How many are there singing tonight?”

“List says ten.” Zayn answered, rubbing at his eye with his index finger.

**

“Jesus fucking Christ. That last one made me feel like my ears were going to bleed.” Louis muttered under his breath, finger in his ear subtly.

Zayn snorts, rolling his eyes. His arms were crossed as he watched the poor lad walk off the stage, head hung in defeat. He felt bad for him but there wasn’t anything he could do about it.

“He wasn’t that bad, stop being a dick.” Harry hissed, elbowing Louis and causing him to wince and grumble to himself.

“We have two more to go, Lou. Did you see anyone you might be interested in signing?” Zayn asked, sitting up a bit in his seat with a soft sigh. His ass was starting to hurt and he was really craving a smoke right now.

“David was alright, so was Penelope. But I don’t know. I haven’t been _wowed_ yet.” Louis said thoughtfully, clicking his tongue with a sigh himself. “You lied, Zed.”

Zayn rolled his eyes again, something he always does around Louis and shakes his head. “No, maybe the talent is too nervous to perform. That’s how I was. It took forever for me to get the balls to send you that audition six years ago.”

Zayn remembered it vividly, how Danny and Anthony tried to get him to send in an audition tape to Louis who had just opened his own record label at the age of twenty-three. It took him three hours before he was able to press send. To say Zayn was shocked when he’d gotten a phone call the next morning was an understatement. His dream had come true but that didn’t mean he was shitting bricks the whole time.

“That helps no one, asshole. How am I supposed to sign them if they’re in the crowd and not actually singing?”

“Shut up, both of you. The next one is coming on now.” Harry said, louder to get their attention.

They both quieted down easily, leaning back in their seats to give the next singer their attention. 

** 

“You can do this, babe. Give them a performance they’ll never forget.” Sophia murmured softly, giving him a tight hug. He was nervous but Niall had snuck him a shot before they got there and it helped loosen him up a little bit. He was prompted to go out there now and he took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly. He gives Sophia a small smile and nod before turning and walking out onto the stage, microphone in hand.

He caught Sophia slipping back into the crowd, right at the front with all his friends and family and he gave them all a smile before turning his attention to the three males in front of him who would be judging him. His breath caught when he saw Zayn, memories flooding back and fuck. He wasn’t sure if he could do this. He knew he looked so much different from when Zayn last saw him, so he wasn’t too worried that Zayn would figure out who he was. But his chest still tightened, feeling that sadness bearing down on his heart once again. He had to look away to gather himself.

“Hey, mate. Breathe.” Harry said, his voice resounding through the speakers and Liam lifts his head to look at him, giving him a small, tight nod. Harry returned it with a smile, thumbs up.

“So you’ll be singing Suit and Tie?” He asked, sitting up straighter once he heard someone yell out “ _LOVE YOU LI_ ”, followed by a considerably large number of the crowd cheering out for him.

 _So he’s who everyone is here for._ Louis thought to himself, sitting up straighter himself curiously.

“Uh – no.” Liam murmured, clearing his throat. “Last minute song change.”

“What will you be singing then?” Louis asked curiously.

Liam took a moment to reply, his eyes flickering over to Zayn for a split second before shifting over to Sophia who had her hands clasped together and tucked under her chin. She gave him a subtle nod and bright smile.

“It’s you. By uh – Zayn, yeah. Just switching some lyrics.” Liam said, surprising himself when he didn’t stutter over the male's name.

This made Zayn perk up, curious and intrigued by the song change. The male on stage looked so familiar, but he couldn’t place a name to the face. He was – fuck. He was beautiful and Zayn was hoping this guy would wow them. 

“Oh, yeah? All right then, lad. Let’s hear it. Good luck.” Louis said with a smug tone, smiling at Liam before glancing at Zayn with a smirk. Zayn rolled his eyes and he swears his eyes are gonna get stuck one day.

The music started, the intro instruments and Zayn wanted to close his eyes but he wanted to focus on this boy.

Zayn zones out almost everything the moment the lad starts singing.

_He got, He got, He got_

_His own reasons for talking to me_

_He don't, He don't, He don't_

_Give a fuck about what I need_

Zayn felt a shiver run through him as he watched the boy, eyes focused solely on him. It doesn’t go over his head that he’d changed the lyrics from _she_ to _he_. He was – gay? He was okay with that.

Liam’s eyes had fallen closed, letting himself get immersed in the lyrics, focusing on making sure everyone knew how he felt, what he went through without the actual story.

_And I can't tell you why_

_Because my brain can't equate it_

_Tell me your lies_

_Because I just can't face it_

The whole courtyard had gone silent almost like they just  _knew_ what was coming.

_It's you, it's you_

_It's you_

_It's you, it's you_

_It's you_

Louis and Harry hadn’t been able to look away, not with the way Liam’s voice sounded. How serene he looked, how comfortable when he sang. Goosebumps rose on Louis’ skin and he knew right away that – yeah, this kid could sing. He could also tell a story and fuck if that wasn’t what he was looking for tonight.

_I won't, I won't, I won't_

_Cover my scars_

_I'll let 'em bleed_

_So my silence_

_So my silence won't_

_Be mistaken for peace_

_Am I wrong for wanting us to make it?_

_Tell me your lies_

_Because I just can't face it_

_It's you, it's you_

_It's you_

_It's you, it's you_

_It's you_

Louis took a chance and looked back and Christ; he wasn’t expecting to see phones out with their flash on. It was – breathtaking, how this whole town came together for this one person.

_Could it be that it's a lesson_

_That I never had to learn?_

_I looked at it like a blessing_

_And now it's just a curse_

_I don't know why_

_I don't know why_

Zayn’s heart was racing as he listened to this boy sing his own song. How he took a song about his own break up and made it his own. Its crazy how Zayn could feel the sadness radiating of the boys body. It sort of angered him that someone could hurt someone that looks like that, sounds like that.

_It's you, it's you_

_It's you, it's you_

_It's you_

The moment Liam’s voice trailed off and his eyes fluttered open, he was greeted with the most beautiful thing he could have ever imagined and fuck his emotional side because he felt his eyes tearing up. From the emotions he felt while singing and from what his friends had done for him. The applause was thunderous and there was a proud look on Sophia and Niall’s face when they started chanting ‘ _Liam, Liam, Liam_ ; over and over again until it was roaring through the courtyard.

When he looked over at the table, Louis, Harry and Zayn were all standing clapping with everyone else and Louis looked so excited that Liam felt himself flush. He had to ignore the fact that Zayn was now looking around, clap pausing mid air when he realized what name was being chanted. His eyebrows were furrowed and his gaze darted back to Liam.

“Well bloody done, lad. Liam’s your name? Or that’s what I’m being told?” Louis asked, smiling so hard Liam wondered if it hurt. Liam ducked his head, rubbing at the side of his neck before nodding.

“Thank you, yeah. I’m Liam.” He murmured into the microphone.

Zayn’s jaw nearly dropped when he realized who was standing in front of him – all the memories flooding back and _fuck_ this wasn’t something he wanted to think about.

“I’ll see you after, I’d very much like to have a talk with you.” Louis said, nodding in respect, still smiling.

Liam stuttered out a thank you before scampering off stage where Sophia and Niall were now waiting for him and he was engulfed in their arms, not realizing that he’d been smiling himself.

“Told you you’d be amazing.” Sophia murmured, smiling fondly. “You’ll surely live your dream now.”

Liam gave her a shy smile, hugging her tighter because he was shaking with the adrenaline and he seriously didn’t know how to control his emotions.

“Liam, Liam, Liam. The man of the hour, come on. Let’s have a chat.” Louis’ voice boomed, loud and with conviction. He tossed an arm around Liam’s shoulder, grinning widely. Liam chuckled, nodding his head.

“Meet us at The Bar. Drinks on me. An hour?” Louis asked, cocking his eyebrow.

Liam nods quickly, grinning at the other.

**

 “Why are you so quiet?” Harry asked curiously, plopping down beside Zayn in the booth they’re sitting at in the bar.

Zayn shook his head, running his fingers through his hair. He hadn’t been able to get Liam out of his head, granted it’s only been about half hour since he’d seen him but fuck. He kept thinking about what happened and he felt the guilt flooding him all the same. Liam looked – well Liam looked _good_. The past six years did him well and Zayn is more than nervous to be meeting with Liam face to face again.

“Nothing – just uh, I know him. Liam I mean.” Zayn said quietly, clearing his throat.

Harry raised a brow, prompting him to continue.

“We went to school together.” Zayn shrugged but doesn’t continue because Louis is walking towards them with Liam and – Sophia?

“Lads, Liam and Sophia. Liam, Sophia, lads. Or well – Harry and Zayn.” Louis half assed introduces and nudged the two into the booth, ending up with Liam being seated directly across from Zayn.

Liam had yet to make eye contact with Zayn. He didn’t think he could do it without his chest hurting.

“Liam, you’ve got an amazing voice. How long have you been singing?” Harry asked, waving over one of the waiters to order drinks for them all.

“As long as I can remember, really.” Liam answered honestly, gaze trained on Harry and ignoring the way Zayn stared holes into the side of his face.

Sophia was polite enough not to glare at Zayn, something Liam was proud of her for.

“I can tell, the control you have on your voice is – wow. I assume you already realize that we’re interested in working with you?” Harry said, leaning back with one arm extending over the top of the booth, almost around Zayn. 

Liam’s eyes widen only slightly before he’s stuttering out- “wha-really?” He asked, not bothering to hide it.

Louis and Harry chuckled, exchanging looks. “Of course, wouldn’t have asked you to meet with us here – or well, no I would have. You’re a gorgeous lad, pretty sure Harry would have tried to get in your pants.” Louis teased, causing Harry to protest half-heartedly and Liam’s cheeks to tint a light pink. Sophia was grinning though, leaning into Liam’s side a bit. Comfort.

Zayn wasn’t laughing though. But no one pointed it out.

“We can talk about business later. But right now, I’m curious to know why you chose to switch songs at the last minute. Why’d you switch to It’s You?” Louis asked, turning to look at Liam with keen interest.

Liam stayed quiet for a moment, thinking about what he should say. He felt Sophia’s hand rest on his knee, squeezing gently. He glances at her, giving her a soft smile before looking at Louis.

“The truth?” Liam hedged.

Both Louis and Harry nodded.

He took a deep breath subtly before letting it out with a sigh.

“I felt a deep connection with the lyrics. But –“ He pauses, glancing at Zayn who was already looking at him before looking at Louis again.

“The first time I heard it, I connected on a deeper level than I thought I would. It was scary almost.” Liam murmured, tapping his index finger against the table. “It took me back to a – hard time for me. In high school.” His gaze lifts to meet Zayn’s hazel orbs, this time holding eye contact for a few moments before looking away.

He knew Zayn would know what he was talking about and well _good_. Liam wanted him to know.

“Mind sharing?” Harry asked curiously, glancing at Zayn because he’d caught the look between the two and recalled just moments before Zayn saying they went to school together.

“Yeah, it’s something I don’t like thinking about but – it sounds silly but it brought me back to the time I’d gotten my heart broke for the first time and I was only sixteen. Like, what do I know about love at that time, you know?”

Louis nods, openly curious and not interrupting.

“That’s the time you realize what love really is, in my opinion.” Harry murmurs, thanking the waitress who’d brought their drinks over and slides one to each of them.

Liam took a sip of the drink, feeling like he needed the alcohol to tell this story and then took another and another before setting the glass down.

“Yeah, I think so. I mean, I learned that the hard way. I thought the – I’m sure you’ve figured out that I’m uh – gay? Or well I’m not _gay_ but I like both girls and guys.” He says, only slightly hesitating.

“That’s not a problem, if that’s what you’re thinking. I fuck guys all the time, and Zayn’s bisexual – both openly. There’s nothing wrong with it.” Harry assures, nodding his head.

“Oh, okay yeah well that’s good to know. Um, I thought the guy really liked me. It was strange. We’d been in school together for most of our lives and he’d always been rude to me. Always picking fights with me and I wasn’t ever the fighting type, at least not back then. I was always to myself and he’d always try to stir something up with his friends, always trying to get a rise out of me.” Liam chuckled, shaking his head.

Zayn’s eyes couldn’t leave Liam’s face even if he tried because he could remember all the stupid things he’d do to Liam, all the little arguments he’d pick just to get him to talk or do something. Even back then Zayn knew he shouldn’t but he couldn’t help it.

“It continued up until we were fifteen. That’s when things changed. He had come up to me during lunch and sat in front of me with a smile that – I loved his smile. Always did.” He pauses, sighing softly. “Still do. But that’s not the point. Um, he just – and when I thought about it a while back I realized I should have _realized_ , but I was a bit stupid over him back then, even with the way he treated me, but he just came out and told me that he liked me. That he’d been picking on me because he didn’t know how else to talk to me. But said that now he finally got the courage to talk to me. He asked me to go to the movie with him and – and it was really good. He’d take me to different places, secret places only he knew about. He’d – draw for me and make me hang it up on my wall and everything.” He chuckles, taking another sip of his drink, avoiding everyone’s gaze and focuses on the steady weight of Sophia’s hand on his knee.

“About four months in, he asked me to be with him. Officially and that’s when we had our first kiss. He was my first kiss, that was the first of many firsts he’d gotten from me.” He chances a look, glancing up at Louis then Harry and finally Zayn who was now looking down at his drink.

“As you could imagine, or already tell, he was the first person I’d slept with.” Liam said without hesitating, just getting it out there. “It was after almost a year of being with him. But then the next night we went out to a party and I’d lost him pretty quickly. I didn’t mind, though. I knew he’d be looking for his mates. But after not seeing him for almost the whole night, I went looking for him.”

“Don’t tell me you walked in on the tosser fucking someone else.” Louis said, brows furrowed, looking like he was truly upset for Liam.

Zayn couldn’t bring himself to look up because he knew exactly how the story ended. He knew exactly what Liam was going to say and he could tell Louis was feeling for him, couldn’t imagine was he’d say if he realized that Zayn was actually the tosser.

“No, no. It wasn’t like that. Um, he was in one of the rooms with all his mates, though. When I stepped into the room, something was off because his mates were snickering and he was just sitting there on the bed with a blunt – smirking.”

Liam shook his head, swallowing around the lump forming in his throat.

_“Well, well. Isn’t it little Liam. Zayn, your boy is here.” One of Zayn’s friends mused, cackling afterwards._

_Zayn smirked, shoulders shaking with the effort not to laugh._

_Liam tilted his head a bit, confusion evident in his eyes. He made to step forward, wanting to be beside Zayn but stops himself when there’s more laughter in the room. He frowns, looking around at everyone because he was obviously missing something. “What?” He asked, furrowing his eyebrows._

_“Zed, don’t you think it’s time you let Liam in on the joke?”_

_Zayn cackled then, and something in the way it sounded made Liam’s heart race and drop almost simultaneously._

_“Zayn?” Liam asks quietly, nibbling his lower lip._

_“Go ahead.” Zayn said, leaning back on the bed and lighting the blunt to take a long drag._

_“So Liam, how good is Zayn in bed? Heard you were gagging for it.” One of Zayn’s friends,_ Danny _, Liam’s mind supplied, said and Liam’s eyes didn’t move from Zayn’s face but Zayn wasn’t looking at him. Liam felt hot all over, felt his cheeks heat up and his heart dropped into the pit of his stomach. Why would Zayn tell his friends that? That’s – private._

_“Oi, Liam. You know you were just another name on Zayn’s list, yeah? Another name to check off?” Anthony, Danny’s brother added and Liam finally averted his gaze, trying to keep the tears from falling because that couldn’t be true. Not with everything Zayn told him. Not with all the secrets they shared._

_“S’true. Just wanted to fuck you and take your virginity.” And those words are what shattered Liam’s heart because it wasn’t Danny or Anthony that said it._

_It was Zayn._

Both Harry and Louis’ eyes widened because who the fuck?

“Jesus, Liam. I’m sorry. That’s just cruel, how could someone do that?” Louis asked, voice filled with disbelief and Liam looked up with a sad smile, shrugging his shoulder.

“Could it be that it's a lesson, that I never had to learn. That’s why the song spoke to me. That line it – it made so much sense to me.” Liam murmured, downing the rest of his drink quickly.

“But fuck him, yeah? Lesson learned.” Liam said, accepting the drink Harry slides over to him and almost instantly drains the glass.

No one reprimands him for it.

“Zayn, come with me to the bar, yeah?” Harry said, shifting out to stand. Zayn wanted to protest but he did need to get away from Liam, get away from the memories and the weight he feels on his chest. He nods, slipping out of the booth and follows Harry to the bar.

When they’re there, Harry turns to look at him with a calculating look.

“Tell me you’re not the guy in Liam’s story.” Harry said, not beating around the bush but his tone was neutral, so Zayn couldn’t tell what he was feeling or thinking.

Zayn didn’t say anything for a moment, thinking about telling him no but before he could make a decision, Harry must’ve taken his silence for his answer.

“Fucking hell, Z. That’s – you’re not like that. How? What, that wasn’t cool.” Harry settles for, furrowing his eyebrows.

“I know. I was a dick back then, okay? Fuck. I didn’t want to think about that, I know what I did was fucked up. But I’d already done it and I couldn’t do anything about it.” Zayn rushed out, carding his fingers through his hair with a frustrated sigh.

Harry didn’t say anything for a moment, but when he does, his tone is soft. “Maybe you should talk to him, finally apologize.”

** 

Liam was spectacularly drunk. It was almost ridiculous. Niall and the boys had met them not too long after and they made it a point to make sure Liam couldn’t see straight or walk straight for that matter because it was a _celebration_.

He was giggling into Sophia’s shoulder at something Louis said about Liam and how he was going to have both males and females wanting to get in his pants once he becomes famous. He couldn’t imagine it, couldn’t imagine how much his life was about to change but he was so, so grateful.

Zayn was watching from the sidelines, watching how Liam stuck by Sophia the whole night, not giving him a chance to get Liam alone to talk. But he figured Liam was too drunk anyways. He sighed, downing the rest of his drink and was about to turn away to walk back to the bar when he decided that, no. He didn’t want to be there anymore. He exhaled and made to find Harry only to hear Liam’s voice. 

“I don’t bottom. Not after, him. Can’t bring myself to. I can't allow myself to be that vulnerable again.”

With that, Zayn left without telling anyone. His heart heavy in his chest.

**

 “Alright, Liam. All you have to do now is sign and we’ll get to work on some music.” Louis said, clapping his hands together.

Liam had gotten himself a lawyer, was told to by Harry to look over the contract and once he was given the okay, Liam didn’t hesitate in leaning over the table, signing his name with a proud smile. 

Niall and Sophia were there with him, his backbones and they honestly couldn’t be any prouder than him.

**

It’s been six months and it had been such an amazing experience. He had just finished recording his first single, a single that he was able to write himself. He had full control of what he sang and how he sang. It was amazing in his opinion.

He’d done photo shoots and the like, giving him a small taste of what was to come. It was amazing how much attention he’d gotten throughout the months, how he moved from Bradford to London with a blink of an eye, leaving behind his favorite people. Except Niall and Sophia. They’d come to London with him.

Everyone was so proud of him and Liam couldn’t believe this was happening. He couldn’t believe he was getting ready to release his first song. A song that would be played on BBC radio in a week. He was more nervous than anything, honestly but he put his heart and soul into the song.

He hadn’t even had time to think about Zayn. Didn’t have time to wonder what he thought about him now. He didn’t care at the moment. All he cared about was his music and his two best friends who were there for him through everything.

He’d gone back to his apartment late that night, wanting to hop in the shower and wash off all the day's work and that’s exactly what he did. He spent a good amount of time in the shower, only getting out when his fingers started pruning.

He was just slipping into his sweats when he heard a faint knock at the door. With a quick glance at the time, the red numbers reading 12:34 a.m., Liam raised an eyebrow. Sophia was staying with Niall that night and he’d just read a text from her saying she was heading to bed so he had no idea who would possibly be knocking on his door. He pads out of the bedroom and into the living room, running his fingers through his wet hair.

When he opens the door, he was definitely not expecting to see a sheepish looking Zayn standing there. Liam’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion –

“Can we talk?” Zayn asked hesitantly, nibbling his lower lip.

Liam had half a mind to tell him to fuck off but he steps aside, letting Zayn slip past him and into his living room. He takes a deep breath, closing the door before turning to look at Zayn who was standing in the middle of the room, looking as uncomfortable as Liam felt. 

He wanted to be rude, wanted to be an asshole, but he couldn’t bring himself to. With a soft sigh, Liam motioned for him to sit. “Do you want something to drink?”

Zayn looked hesitant, but then he nods his head, clearing his throat. “Something strong, preferably.”

Liam refrained from rolling his eyes and nods, padding toward his mini bar and grabs two glasses. Alcohol probably shouldn’t be involved but liquid courage and all that. He pours out two glasses of Jack Daniels before moving back towards Zayn, handing him one glass before sitting across from him, sipping his drink slowly, eyes on the raven-haired lad.

“Why are you here?” Liam asks quietly, resting his glass on his thigh.

Zayn sighed, running his fingers through his hair and Liam noted that Zayn had already drunk half of his drink.

“Straight to the point then. Look, Liam. I really want to apologize for what I did in high school. It was stupid and immature.” Zayn started, eyes looking like they were pleading with Liam to believe him.

“It’s okay.”

Zayn blinks, confusion clouding his features. “I – what?”

“I said it’s okay. It’s water under the bridge. You broke my heart in high school and now we’re both under the same label. Is that what this is about? Clearing the air?” Liam asked, surprising himself with how steady his tone is but still had lightness to it. “So, it’s okay.”

Zayn shook his head, pausing to down the rest of his drink and rest the glass on the coffee table. “No, Liam. That's not what this is about. I _know_ what I did was fucked up. I know I did something I shouldn’t have done. I’m a horrible person for it and I can’t lie and say that that wasn’t part of the reason why I had to get out of Bradford. I couldn’t handle seeing how sad you looked after that. Fuck, Liam. I’m such a fucking dick and I don’t deserve your forgiveness. Make me work for it, please.” Zayn was almost pleading with him and Liam was confused for the most part.

“Fuck off, Zayn. I said it’s okay and that’s that. Let’s not linger on it anymore.” Liam mutters, sipping his drink again, trying to ignore the thunderous beating of his heart.

Zayn’s quiet for a while, though his eyes stay on Liam even as he stands and walks towards the front door, opening it. “If that’s all you came for, you can leave.”

**

Liam’s first single did so fucking well that they had to celebrate. He’d gone almost instantly to number one within the first hour, everyone having been anticipating Liam’s single. 

Within twenty-four hours, Liam was number one almost permanently, well as permanent as it can get in the charts.

That’s why he was currently in the club with his team, Harry, Louis, Niall and Sophia. Within the first hour, Liam was drunk off his ass and was having probably the most amazing time of his life. He's had a lot of  _amazing times_ in his life in the past few months okay.

His mother had called to tell him how proud she was and that everyone in Bradford was celebrating for him, running up and down the streets singing his song.

He had to take a few shots for that.

He just couldn’t believe how lucky he’d gotten. Everything was looking up for him.

He was on the dance floor, swaying with the music with his eyes closed, his friends somewhere around him. When he did finally open his eyes with the change of song, his gaze landed on Zayn who was standing in front of him with a thoughtful look on his face.

Liam raised an eyebrow and Zayn copied him. He huffs, about to turn away when Zayn stepped closer to him and brought him almost impossibly close to him. He doesn’t pull away but he looks at him with blank eyes, he didn’t want Zayn to ruin the high he was riding.

“Come with me?” Zayn murmured against his ear and Liam cursed himself with how a shiver ran through him.

He doesn’t say anything when Zayn takes his wrist and tugs him along, back to the VIP and into a private back room. Liam downs the rest of his drink, tongue darting out over his lower lip. “What?” He asked, tugging his hand away when Zayn closed the door. The room was empty, it was just the two of them and with the amount of alcohol in his system, Liam grinned cheekily. “Really? You want in my pants or something?” He asked teasingly, swaying slightly because he was that drunk.

Zayn showed no remorse for the way his eyes roamed over Liam’s body and Liam was pretty sure Zayn was just as drunk as him. Especially when Zayn crowds Liam in against the wall and ghosts his lips over his – never touching. “Let me.” He whispered, hazel hues peering up at him through his lashes before he slowly sunk down to his knees.

Liam looked down at him through hooded eyes, tongue darting out over his lower lip again. This was a very, very bad idea.

“You look pretty on your knees.” Is what he says instead, lips curling up into a lazy smirk.

Zayn hums, nimble fingers working at the buttons of Liam’s jeans until he was able to tug them down over the swell of his arse. He nuzzles his nose against Liam’s clothed cock, eliciting a low groan from Liam. Zayn takes that as encouragement and slowly tugs Liam’s briefs down as well, his eyes peering up at him, taking in the way Liam looked down at him with lustful eyes.

Liam knew he shouldn’t be doing this but he was _celebrating_ okay.

Zayn finally looked down at his cock, mouth nearly watering at the sight because Liam was definitely not this – big the last time they did this. He carefully wrapped his fingers around his semi hard cock, stroking it slowly a few times before leaning forward to take the tip between his lips, tongue darting out to tongue around the head and at his slit. Liam groaned low in his throat, head tipping back against the wall. “Fuck.” He breathes out, forcing himself to keep his hips from bucking up into Zayn’s warm mouth.

Zayn could feel the way Liam hardened in his mouth and it spurred him on to taking him further, bobbing his head up and down slowly, getting him wet enough to be able to stroke what didn’t fit in his mouth. His eyes flicker up to look at Liam, watching the way his throat bobbed when he swallowed and fuck. Zayn wanted more. He needed more.

He took Liam as far as he could in his mouth, sucking and bobbing his head with his cheeks hollowed. Liam felt so heavy on his tongue, the taste of him lingering on his tongue as well and he couldn’t get enough. His eyes fluttered closed as he worked his mouth over him, bobbing his head a little faster as Liam’s moans got louder. Liam’s fingers moved up to tangle in Zayn’s hair and he tugs – hard, making Zayn moan around him and suck that much harder. “Fuck, Zayn. Zayn.” Liam pants, hips bucking into his mouth and Zayn let him. He let Liam fuck his mouth and even drunk, Liam was careful. He fucked his mouth with careful thrusts while Zayn sucked hard around him – “ _Zed_.” And that was the only warning Zayn got before Liam was releasing into his mouth. Zayn eagerly swallowed around him, tonguing at the head lightly and sucking Liam back down for a moment before pulling off when Liam hissed from the sensitivity.

Zayn was panting slightly, tongue darting over his lower lip as he caught his breath. When Liam looked down at him, there was something in his eyes that Zayn couldn’t decipher.

“What was that for?” Liam asked, sounding a bit more sober than before.

“Wanted to.” Zayn said, standing up and helping Liam pull his briefs and jeans back up, buttoning it as well before giving him a small smile.

Liam stayed quiet, watching him with guarded eyes. “do you want me to –“

Zayn shook his head. “Tonight’s about you. You knocked me out of number one.” He murmured, adjusting himself before opening the door. “Congratulations Liam.” He said softly, giving him a soft smile, sucking his lower lip between his teeth before leaving the room.

Liam leaned back against the wall with a heavy sigh, rubbing his hands over his face. “What the fuck was that.” He muttered to himself, trying to ignore the way his heart stammered in his chest.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's much shorter, but enjoy?

“So, what? He just pulled you into the backroom and sucked you off and you _let_ him?” Niall asked, brows furrowed like he was trying to understand Liam’s thought process.

Liam sighed, rubbing his hands over his face. He had a massive hangover and he felt like he couldn’t go to Sophia with this because he knew she’d be mad at him for allowing it to happen after everything he’d done to him, apology or not.

“I – yeah, I was _drunk_ and I couldn’t – I wanted –“

“You wanted it.” Niall finished for him and when Liam looked up, he expected to see judgmental eyes but all he saw was ocean blue filled with understanding and a bit of concern.

He just nods.

“Look, mate. I know what you felt for Liam back then was more than you ever felt for anyone before but if you came to me about this, it’s because you want the straight truth with no sugarcoating.” Niall murmured, leaning back against the couch, a thoughtful expression on his face. Liam stays quiet, his answer showing in his eyes.

“How did you feel? I mean, how’d you feel seeing him so willing to give himself to you in that way? You said he just got on his knees for you. Did you feel – powerful? Almost like you were Zayn in high school?” Niall asked, turning his body to face Liam.

He took a moment to think about it; pictured how unearthly Zayn looked in the dull florescent light of the backroom, peering up at him through thick, thick, eyelashes with eyes drowsed with lust and – _yeah_. He felt powerful, even in his drunken haze, Liam felt powerful because Zayn was so _eager_ for it but it’s saying a lot that it didn’t take much convincing for Liam to agree. 

“I – yeah. I did. But it wasn’t malicious. I wouldn’t ever be able to do what he did to me in high school. I wouldn’t be able to work my own sort of payback.”

“But did you think of it as such? It doesn’t make you a bad person if you did, Li. He hurt you pretty fucking back and it takes a lot for me to hold myself back from decking him in the throat for what he did. I could only imagine how Soph feels.” Niall said, huffing out a small laugh with a slight shake of his head. “I’m not one for payback, I let Karma run her course, but I also know you pretty well – I’d like to think, so I retract my question. You don’t have a mean bone in your damn body, Payne.” His tone is fond if anything and Liam ducks his head, exhaling a soft sigh.

“I just don’t know what to do from here? He apologized, I told him it was okay. But he wants me to make him _work_ for it. How am I supposed to do that?”

“Apparently by letting him blow you in clubs.” Niall mused, lips curled up in the beginnings of a laugh. “I’d take full advantage of that.”

Liam rolled his eyes, chuckling to himself before his gaze is back on Niall. He looks at him with a question in his eyes, _need_ and Niall, fucking Niall knows him so well that he knows what he’s asking with just that one look.

Niall is quiet for a moment, fidgeting in his seat before sighing, nodding his head. “Come here.” He murmured in a soft tone, hand reaching out for Liam’s and Liam goes easily as Niall leans back to lie on the couch, pulling the other boy on top of him.

“You sure?” Niall asked quietly, bringing his hands up to cup Liam’s cheeks. He could see the internal battle he’s having with himself, could see the self doubt and Niall would do anything for him if it meant taking that look away.

“Please?”

Niall nods, dragging Liam down until their lips met in a soft kiss. Liam exhaled against his lips, eyes fluttering closed as he pressed Niall down against the couch with the length of his body, allowing Niall to lead the kiss because he needed this. He couldn’t be in control right now, not at this exact moment and Niall knew that.

“I’ve got you, Li. Promise.” Niall murmured against his lips before he shifts to flip them, Liam now lying on his back with Niall straddling him.

It’s a blur of removing clothes and biting kisses and Liam is looking for himself through Niall’s soft lips. Lips he’d grown so accustomed to, just as he did with his body. When Liam was ready, he allowed Liam to take control, knows he needs it now; knows that Liam needs this to be okay and Niall would give it to him whenever he needed it.

Liam brought his lips down against Niall’s chest, peppering soft kisses there down to the waistline of his briefs and Niall arches up against him, eyes closing and just _feeling_ everything Liam was doing to him.

When Liam pulls his briefs down, he doesn’t give Niall a second before his lips are pressing against the crown of his cock, soft little suckling kisses that has Niall breathless.

Liam doesn’t waste any time in teasing. He takes him into his mouth and sucks him down to the base, something Liam had gotten increasingly good at; his gag reflex and Niall lets out a low moan, arching up against his hot mouth when Liam swallows around him.

When Liam works him open with slick fingers, Niall is panting and whining, asking for more because he realized he needed it just as much as Liam did. Liam didn’t disappoint when he lined himself up with Niall’s tight hole and gave him a moment to breath. When Niall nods, he pushes into him slowly, not wanting to hurt him, never wanting to hurt him despite the war in his head.

It’s slow, lazy thrusts once Niall gets use to the feeling. Liam’s lips are on his once again, soft and demanding at the same time, swallowing Niall’s moans and reveling in how tight he felt around him. “Li, harder. I can take it.” Niall rasped out, blinking his eyes open to look up at him with sincerity in his eyes,

And that’s all Liam needed before he picked up the pace, thrusting into Niall faster and harder, dragging out beautiful sounds from his best friends parted lips, head thrown back and nails digging into his arms. 

They never really talk when they’re like this, it’s always skin on skin and harsh panting that fills the otherwise silent room. This became a thing between them, starting off as a one off but turning into a thing. Neither boy was complaining, though.

When Liam felt the coiling in his lower stomach, his thrusts became more erratic and Niall’s moans got louder as his own fingers wrapped around his cock, stroking himself in time with Liam’s thrusts and when Liam felt his release just under the surface, he pulled out of Niall, Niall whining loudly at the emptiness before Liam is jerking himself quickly over Niall’s hand blurring over his own cock. With a low groan, Liam released directly on Niall’s cock, giving him the added wetness that pushes Niall over and has him releasing into his fist, their come mixing together.

Liam falls back against the couch, exhausted while Niall catches his breath, clean hand dragging through his hair. They’re both silent, even as Niall gets up to clean himself off in the bathroom.

When he comes back with fresh briefs and sweats, Liam looks over at him, chest rising and falling almost evenly now. 

“You good?” Niall asks as Liam pulled on his briefs.

Liam doesn’t answer; instead he just pulls Niall into him, tucking him under his arms and wraps them around him. Niall hums softly, settling his head against Liam’s shoulder, palm resting on his bare chest. Neither of them say anything for a long time. Instead, they bask in the silence, Niall letting Liam work through everything in his head. 

See, they’ve been doing this since they were seventeen, almost five years now and Niall never had a problem with it. It was a convenient fuck for the two of them and if Niall was being honest, he loved the arrangement. Were there feelings involved? No, not anymore.

The two of them had decided to try out a relationship and see how it would go because Niall enjoyed Liam’s company, having been his best friends years before they started sleeping with each other. There was no way for them to start sleeping with each other and not feel _something_ , so when they both felt it, they tried and long story short, they realized they were better off as friends and fucking whenever they wanted than being together.

It was almost the most perfect arrangement.

And Niall loved a good cuddle.

**

There were talks of Liam going on tour for his first album, it was something – unreal. Truly unreal in his eyes. He knew he was ready for this, he knew that he could do this and love every second of it and he was going to. The second Louis and Harry mentioned it; Liam was nodding quickly, making the two of them laugh almost fondly.

Liam was sure that one day, he’d wake up and realize that this was all a dream, that he hadn’t sang in front of nearly the whole town, in front of Harry and Louis, in front of _Zayn_. If he were dreaming, he really didn’t want to wake it. Sure, it brought back memories he tried to suppress and will away in hopes of getting _over it_ but, besides that, everything was just like Liam dreamed of it being.

After all the initial planning and administrative work that comes with going on tour, they set a date for it all to go down. March 17th,. A month from now. March 17th he would be singing in front of the biggest crowd yet. Sure, he went on TV shows and sung live in front of intimate groups, but it would be so small in comparison to singing to thousands of people, _fans_.

Despite how excited he was about it all, he still tried to keep a level head about it all. He didn’t want to become someone he isn’t because of the fame and he thanks whatever higher power there is every day for having Sophia and Niall there with him. Niall wouldn’t be joining them at first, said he wants to finish school but as soon as he’s done for the semester, he’d be joining Liam on the road. Sophia didn’t care about any of that, she knew she needed to be with Liam and he was more than happy about that.

“Let’s go out tonight.” Sophia murmured, thumbing through her phone idly, making a face at whatever she was looking at. “I’m bored.”

“Where do you suggest we go?” Liam asked, quirking an amused eyebrow.

“ _Anywhere_ , Li. Let’s go to that one club you always go to. Funky Buddha or whatever.”

He sighs, rubbing his hands over his face. “Yeah, okay. Anyone specific you want to invite?”

“No.”

**

Being at the club is always the same. Maybe the music might be slightly different, but it was the usual crowd, same age group, same fans, not that Liam was complaining. He enjoyed it more than he should. Especially when he’s piss drunk, like he is now.

“Leeeeeyum, mate. You bring all the hot girls and guys to me. I love you for it.” Niall slurred, making Liam laugh – albeit late because apparently he registers words late.

“You’re welcome, have fun, yeah?” 

Niall nods, hurriedly planting a kiss to Liam’s cheek before bounding off to throw his arms around a brunette girl. Liam chuckled fondly, rubbing at the side of his cheek. His eyes scanned over his friends, seeing Sophia sitting with a blonde male and even from where he’s standing, he could tell she was trying to hide her blush. Niall was talking animatedly to the brunette, probably telling her about his recent footie match and in that moment, Liam was happy. His friends were happy and that was all that mattered to him.

He turns to look at one of his bodyguards, tipping his head towards the two of them. “Get them home safe, yeah? I think I’m gonna call it a night.”

The male nods, looking like he was trying to hide a smile for how Liam made sure his friends were always okay, nodding towards his other bodyguard. “Let him take you home. Get home safe, bud.”

He doesn’t protest and easily makes his way out of the club with his bodyguard, ducking his head from the pictures until he was safely in the van.

It taken twenty minutes to get home and god, he just wanted his bed. His head was still swimming and bed sounded like the most perfect thing in the world.

Unfortunately for Liam, life apparently doesn’t like him tonight. Maybe because he left Niall and Sophia without letting them know. Whatever it was, Liam really didn’t want to see Zayn standing in front of his door with a hesitant look on his face.

He’ll blame it on the alcohol later when he unlocks his front door without saying anything to Zayn and motions for him to walk inside. When Zayn does, he follows, closing the door and locking it before padding towards his bedroom without a second thought. 

Zayn is hesitant but follows behind Liam, hazel hues looking around as soon as they got into the bedroom.

“What do you want, Zayn?” Liam asked, words slurring slightly as he tugged his shirt over his head. It was a button up, but he was too lazy to undo each button, or just too drunk.

Zayn’s eyes roamed over Liam’s bare chest, lower lip sucked between his teeth until he realizes Liam was looking at him while grabbing another shirt to wear to bed. His eyes avert then, looking at anything but Liam while Liam raises an eyebrow. “Well?”

“I uh – just wanted to see you. Is that – is that okay?” Zayn stammered out, eyes widen and full of fear of rejection that Liam wishes he could laugh at.

“Yeah, sure. But I’m going to bed. So.” Liam said, waving his hand vaguely. “Not sure I’ll be of much –“ He cuts himself off with a sneeze, hands coming up to cover his mouth and nose in the process and he groans to himself. He _knows_ that sneeze. The kind that makes his nose stuffy almost instantly and his head feel a bit congested. It was the telltale of him getting sick but he ignores it.

“Bless you.” Zayn murmurs quietly, twisting his fingers together.

Liam nods, giving him a small smile before tugging off his jeans and crawls into the bed. He knows he’s being rude, just leaving Zayn like that, but he was tired and he didn’t want to deal with this right now. Zayn sighed; shifting to sit down on the edge of the bed but otherwise stays quiet.

It takes Liam way too long to fall asleep, just knowing Zayn was just sitting there. Despite everything, he _did_ tell Zayn he forgave him so with a sigh, he pulled the covers back. “Lay down, Zayn. You’re making me nervous.”

Zayn was dressed like he’d walked out of the house after getting ready for bed, soft sweats and a jumper and Liam wondered if it was as soft as it looks. Zayn doesn’t move for a second but then he does. He lies down beside Liam, facing him while Liam lied on his back. “I’m sorry.” Zayn whispered and there was a double meaning for that. Liam knew.

**

When Liam wakes up, he feels like absolute death. Not because he had a hangover, no. It was because his nose was stuffy and his throat was sore. His head felt ten times heavier and he knew he should’ve taken that sneeze last night seriously and took some medicine for it. Except he was drunk so he was sure that wouldn’t have been smart.

After managing to open his eyes, he noticed that the other side of the bed was vacant and he shouldn’t feel some type of way about that. He _doesn’t._ He swears. Or – well, he _does_ is the thing. He groans to himself, turning onto his stomach and buries his face against his soft pillow, willing himself to go back to sleep.

He doesn’t manage to do so because there was a gentle hand on his shoulder, shaking him awake. “Li, I made you some tea, the way my mum use to make it when I was sick.”

It was Zayn, but Liam also thought he was hallucinating because of being sick so he ignored it. 

“Leeyum. Come on.” Zayn murmured, carding his fingers through the other boys hair and okay. That feels really good and he wants it to continue, so he groans softly, shaking his head.

He hears Zayn laugh softly, fingertips massaging against his scalp. Liam remembers Zayn would always do this for him when they were laying down, Liam’s head in his lap while Zayn carded his fingers through his hair. He could remember how Zayn looked down at him, the look in his eyes. He looked genuinely happy to be there with Zayn. Liam was happy to be there with him. But then he remembers it was all just to fuck him and Liam – he curls in on himself, Zayn’s fingers falling away from his head.

Zayn nibbles his lower lip, placing the mug on the side table before shifting onto the bed, physically moving Liam until his head on rest on Zayn’s lap.

“Zayn.” Liam couldn’t tell if he was pleading with him or if he was warning him, honestly.

“Sh, it’s okay. I’ve got you.” Zayn murmured, fingers finding their way back into Liam’s hair, soothing him in a way Liam didn’t know he needed. He wanted to pull away, wanted to get away from Zayn because the memories were haunting him, making him feel like his heart was going to rip apart at the seams where he’d barely managed to it stitch together.

Liam sniffles once, twice – and there are hot tears in his eyes. He hates being sick. He’s even more emotional then.

When Zayn realizes that Liam is crying, he frowns and leans down to press his forehead against Liam’s shoulder. “Don’t cry, please.” Zayn pleaded, shifting his head to press his lips against the side of Liam’s head, feeling how hot the boy’s skin was.

You see, the thing is, Liam has never cried in front of Zayn. Not even that night at the party. Zayn had never gotten to truly see how hard it hit Liam. Liam never had a reason to cry when they were together, so this – it was all new to him. But he wasn’t dense. He knew it was because of him and that ache in his chest multiplies.

Liam turns his head to hide his face against Zayn’s stomach, his hand coming up to grasp at the side of Zayn’s shirt, taking deep, shuddering breaths to try and calm himself down but no – his body clearly didn’t think he should keep it all in anymore. The tears kept falling and without Liam’s consent, a soft, stifled sob slips past his lips against Zayn’s stomach and Zayn’s heart drops.

It’s one thing for people to have told him that Liam cried over him but it’s a completely different thing when he’s witnessing it first hand – years later. It’s been six years and Liam – _god_ – Liam was crying like it happened yesterday. It made Zayn feel like the worst person in the world because he had this kind of effect on Liam. Because he hurt this boy so bad that he couldn’t help but carry it with him. Zayn didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know how to do anything about it. He was frozen, listening to Liam sob into his shirt, sobs that only grew louder – everything seemingly coming out at once. Zayn’s hands were shaking, shaking with the effort of keeping his own tears at bay but he didn’t deserve to cry.

The thing that pulls Zayn out of his own thoughts was when Liam hiccupped, almost struggling to catch his breath. Zayn’s brain finally kicked in and he shakes his head, shifting to lay down and brings Liam against him, his arms wrapping around him tightly. Liam had tucked his face against the crook of his neck, still crying. Zayn rubbed at his back, gently and soothingly. “Babe, god. I’m so sorry, so sorry.” Zayn whispered, pressing multiple kisses against the side of his head. He couldn’t stop whispering that he was sorry, couldn’t stop peppering kisses against Liam’s feverish skin.

When Liam finally calmed down enough that the tears stopped, it didn’t stop his body from shuttering and his breaths to stutter. Something that only happens when you _really_ cry. It doesn’t take long after that for Liam to fall asleep, the crying having exhausted his already tired and sick body. 

Zayn didn’t move, didn’t stop rubbing at Liam’s lower back. He couldn’t stop himself when tears finally rolled down the side of his face towards his ears. He did this to Liam. He hurt him so bad when they were younger and he couldn’t forgive himself for it. He didn’t even deserve to be comforting Liam right now as the person who made him like this in the first place. He doesn’t know how long he stays there, staring up at the ceiling but he eventually falls asleep himself, tea forgotten on the side table.

When Liam wakes up later that evening, he doesn’t feel any better. His eyes are puffy and his nose is still stuffy. His throat feels like he’d swallowed glass but Zayn was there – he hadn’t left after his break down, embarrassing at best.

Neither of them spoke about it. Not wanting to talk about it just yet. Zayn though, made Liam soup, made sure he took his medicine and made sure he was okay before leaving that night.

Zayn left with a heavy heart and Liam was left feeling like Zayn took his heart with him.

**

Liam doesn’t get the chance to talk to Zayn after that besides a ‘ _thank you for taking care of me while I was sick_ ’ text because he was launched into his rehearsals for tour. He didn’t have time to think about Zayn or himself for that matter so he took it in stride and performed to the best of his ability.

The night of his first show, he’d gotten a text from Zayn and they spoke for a little while.

_Good luck tonight. You don’t need it though, you’ll be amazing. xx_

**I’m nervous. I don’t know if I can do this.**

_It’ll be amazing. Once you get out on stage, you’ll forget everything else._

**What if I screw up? I’m a screw up, Zayn. I always fuck things up.**

_Hey, no. You won’t screw up. You’re gonna be bloody amazing on that stage. You’ll see._

**Thank you, really.**

After sending his last text, he was ushered to get ready to go on stage and he was nervous as well but had Zayn’s words on repeat in his head.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't worry, there is more to be added. :)


End file.
